Journey from Disordered Eating to Healthy Mind and Body

My journey began back in late December of 2007 when I realized, at almost age 40, that for the past 30+ years I had an eating disorder (not just a "sweet tooth"). I was a compulsive overeater and binger. Once I realized that I had a true sickness, a disease, I was determined to do whatever I could to fix it. I mean, wouldn't anyone want to fight and beat a disease that they learned they had?

Armed with this new knowledge and drive, I stopped binging the very next day and haven't done it since.

I went to overeaters anonymous meetings, found a therapist and read a lot of literature. As far as OA, here I had thought I was all alone with these crazy thoughts in my head about food and it was SO helpful to find out that I was not alone. That gave me strength.

Through therapy, I learned what things happened in my childhood to lead me down this road. That enabled me to understand where the compulsive overeating/binging came from, deal with it, put it in it's proper place and move forward.

Stringing the non-binge days together became a badge of honor for me that I'm still determined not to break.  This is illustrated in the beaded bracelet I made and wear every day, with certain beads representing years, other beads are for months, of being binge-free.

Blogging about my feelings has been really helpful too. The eating disordered/health/fitness/weight loss blog community is so awesome and supportive.

I really don't feel the need to binge anymore. I know now it is all emotional eating and I have much better ways of dealing with emotions now, I do not need to turn to food. Do I sometimes overeat a bit, yes, but I am comfortable with that because even "normal" eaters overeat sometimes on things that are really worth it.  We are all human, after all.  The trick is to not beat yourself up afterwards.  One bad meal or one bad day, I learned, is not going to really affect your weight or health.

I’ve been following Intuitive Eating since March.  To do this, I had to stop weighing/measuring my food, counting my calories and getting on the scale every day.  I had to relinquish the tight hold I had on these controlling behaviors since I, at that time, felt like they were hurting me instead of helping me.  It was time to trust myself and trust in my body for the first time in my life.

I knew that all of these changes were not temporary.  They were lifestyle changes that I would need to embrace and practice for the rest of my life so I could stay healthy and keep the “binge monster” at bay.  I’ve always exercised and knew that that had to be part of the lifetime plan as well.

Here are some things that I have learned along the way that got me to where I am today, recovered....

1. I don't deprive myself. I love what I eat every day. I'm not choking down rice cakes or celery sticks or things that I really don't enjoy.

2. Over the years, I have tried many types of foods and have come up with certain ones that I eat throughout the day and I look forward to each one of them. I  have two breakfasts that I alternate, and there are three lunches that I rotate through, depending on whether or not I have worked out that day.  I have a lot of go-to snacks and protein bars.  Some I eat every day, others again, I eat depending on whether or not I've gone to the gym. I eat a balance of good carbs, protein and some fat.  My dinners are varied - fish, poultry, lean meats, whole wheat pasta, salad, etc.

3. I also try to apply the concept of "volumetrics" which basically is getting the most bang for your buck out of food. For instance, you can eat a ton of salad, or have a cookie, for the same amount of calories.  The salad will fill you and keep you satiated, while the cookie might be really enjoyable for the moment, but has no real nutritional value and won't keep your belly happy.

4. Lastly, I always plan ahead. I am the queen of packing snacks because I don't want to leave snacks to chance if I'm ever going to be away from the house for any length of time, I always pack something healthy for myself, including a water, so I'm never running into a Wa-Wa or 7-11 to grab a bite to eat.

If you want to read more about my story, go to www.confessionsofacompulsiveeater.com